Why are today’s dating challenges so difficult? I blame the ancient Greeks. While we won the Chanukah war of spirituality over materialism and holiness over Hellenism, in some respects we are still fighting that war. It was the Greeks who first taught the world to emphasize physical beauty above all else. Descending from Noach’s son, Yefet (root of “yofi,” meaning “pretty”), our Syrian/Greek adversaries worshipped pagan gods and pagan values. Jewish tradition, on the other hand, cherishes inner beauty, that which stems from within us. 

The Hellenistic attitude pervades modern culture. Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks quotes Matthew Arnold, a Victorian poet and social critic, who distinguished between Hellenism and Hebraism. Hellenism focuses on art and beauty. Hebraism (i.e. Jewish culture) is about ethics and righteousness. Lord Sacks notes that our ancient Jewish values are constantly being attacked by our secular experience and its deviant norms. Indeed, he says, “Ours is the most Hellenistic age since the conversion of Constantine to Christianity in the 4th century.” [Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, “Candles in memory of a clash of civilisations,” December 16, 2006 available at http://rs.hopedev.agency/candles-in-memory-of-a-clash-of-civilisations/.]

Of course, as Jews, we can enjoy beauty — it is even praiseworthy in the proper setting. The vessels of the Beis Hamikdash were covered in gold. Yerushalayim received nine-tenths of the beauty of the world (Kiddushin 49a-b). Our saintly imahot (matriarchs) are often portrayed as “yifat toar” (beautiful in appearance). The Vilna Gaon (commentary to Mishlei 31:30) comments that when outer physical beauty exists alone, then it is “sheker hachayn v’hevel hayofi” — simply vanity. But true beauty is yirat Hashem, expressed as inner personality and middos. That type of beauty is worthy of praise and it is this beauty that is recognized in Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah.

There are dating apps today based solely on looking at a photo and then swiping right/left. Due to the ease of searching online, “blind dates” simply don’t exist anymore and even matchmakers recommend a flattering photo to complement a dating profile. It is incumbent upon Jewish educators, Orthodox organizations, and yes, Jewish parents, to impress upon our young adults the essential values that matter in marriage, or indeed, any relationship. Kindness, consideration, responsibility, and religious sincerity are crucial characteristics that sustain a marriage. We are blessed to have that as part of our heritage.

Our Maccabee heroes recognized their spiritual war. Their fight was to preserve our Torah without contamination. Chanukah’s celebration is the miracle of finding the pure, unadulterated olive oil. Interestingly, the Menorah that was lit by the Chashmonaim wasn’t the beautiful golden menorah; after all, the Beis Hamikdash had been ransacked and vessels destroyed. The early rededication occurred with a simple menorah made of iron and tin (Menachot 28b). The light emanating from within was what mattered. Married or single, each of us can use our own spiritual light, fight the Hellenistic forces surrounding us, and continue the battle for authentic Torah Judaism.