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It is no secret that Judaism is a demanding religion, so much so that at times it asks something of us that seem impossible. It is at these moments that we require the strength to remember our overwhelming commitment to always keep it even if sometimes we may fail. In the fourth chapter of Megillat Esther, Mordechai asks Esther to appear before the king even though the king has not called her. We are told that in doing so, Esther would be risking her life. Ultimately, Mordechai is able to convince Esther, despite her better judgment. She asks Mordechai to gather the Jews and tell them to fast for three days. She says that she and her maidens will do the same. Then she tells him “ובכן אבוא אל-המלך, אשר לא-כדת, וכאשר אבדתי, אבדתי, and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish.” (Esther  4:16) Using a very literal understanding of the passage Esther is telling Mordechai that she will do as he asks and approach the king illegally. She is telling him that she is willing to suffer the consequences of breaking the law.

God’s name is not mentioned in the megillah and whenever it says “king” (without Achashverosh’s name) it could also be referring to God (Esther Rabbah 3:10). Therefore, using a less literal reading of the verse, when it says “so will I go in unto the king” it refers to God.  The Gemara, Megillah 15a, notes that when Esther said “not according to the law” it was a reference to the fact that she felt she was violating Torah law by willingly approaching Achashverosh.  Yet, this did not deter her from approaching God. She felt she could still have a relationship with God despite her perceived wrongdoing.   This verse is not endorsing violating the law in difficult times.  However, it is teaching us that even in trying times, when we have moments of failure, we should not be deterred from approaching God.  After these moments, we should know not to despair and continue to uphold our commitment to God and His laws.