In previous weeks we discussed whether the source for the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents, (kibbud av va-em) is a commandment that is between man and G-d (bein adam lamakom), or one that is between man and man (bein adam lachaveiro), and the halachic distinctions that arise from either premise. Rav Moshe Feinstein (Y.D. 2:130) says that the source of the obligation to honor one’s parents is even more fundamental than its status as a mitzvah bein adam lachaveiro or bein adam lamakom. The Gemara in Niddah states that there are three partners in the creation of man: his mother, his father, and G-d. Rav Feinstein interprets this as a halachic statement: one is obligated to respect his parents because they brought him into this world. Hakaras hatov (gratitude) for having been created is the source of the obligation for kibbud av. Rav Feinstein’s idea goes hand in hand with another famous halacha: a teacher’s honor takes precedence over a father’s, because the father only brings his child into this world, whereas the teacher, through imparting the child with Torah values, brings the son into the World to Come. Greater hakaras hatov for the teacher necessitates greater respect for him.
The ramifications of Rav Feinstein’s idea apply to other areas of Jewish law as well. When a non Jew converts, he or she is not considered to be halachically related to his or her non Jewish family. If a father and daughter convert at separate times, they are no longer halachically related, and in theory, since they are now both Jewish, the “former” father would be allowed to marry his “former” daughter. In theory, the daughter would also no longer be under any obligation to honor her father.
However, on a Rabbinic level, the Rambam (Hilchos Mamrim 5:11) says that the father may not marry his former daughter, and in addition, the commandment of kibbud av still applies. This is because otherwise, it will seem to the former non-Jew that he is going from a stricter level of observance to a more lenient level. In other words, it will seem like he is descending in holiness. Some Acharonim dispute the Rambam’s application of the descending in holiness principle to this context, because the non-Jew is not really descending to a lesser obligation, for no formal obligation for him to honor his parents truly existed in the first place. Rabbi Akiva Eiger asserts that even though there is no formal obligation, the fact that non Jews generally do respect their parents is enough of a reason for the Rambam to be concerned that the former non-Jew is descending in holiness. However, the Yad Avraham says that even non- Jews are formally required to perform kibbud av to some extent. He brings a proof from Shem and Yefes, Noach’s sons, who went out of their way to clothe their father after he became inebriated.
However, there is perhaps a more fundamental explanation as to the obligation of non-Jews to honor their parents. If the basic premise of kibbud av is one of hakaras hatov, like Rav Feinstein understood, and we assume that hakaras hatov is an obligation incumbent upon all of mankind due to the fact that it is simply part of common decency, then non-Jews are obligated to honor their parents because of hakaras hatov. However, this obligation does not necessitate the same requirements as the Jew’s obligation of kibbud av. Rather, whatever people in the world consider a normal amount of respect and honor will dictate the responsibilities that this obligation entails.