Parshas Toldos begins with Yitzchak and Rivka davening for children. After twenty years of marriage, twin boys - Yaakov and Eisav - are born. As the boys grow up, their different personalities become apparent: וַיִּגְדְּלוּ֙ הַנְּעָרִ֔ים וַיְהִ֣י עֵשָׂ֗ו אִ֛ישׁ יֹדֵ֥עַ צַ֖יִד אִ֣ישׁ שָׂדֶ֑ה וְיַֽעֲקֹב֙ אִ֣ישׁ תָּ֔ם ישֵׁ֖ב אֹֽהָלִֽים, And the lads grew up, and Eisav was a man who knew hunting, a man of the field, and Yaakov was a simple man, dwelling in tents (25:27).

Rashi (ibid.) teaches that all the while that the lads were young, their differences were not readily apparent, and their personalities were not discernable. Once they turned thirteen, however, Yaakov went to the house of study, and Eisav turned to idol worship. It was there that Eisav honed his skills as a hunter, as Rashi teaches: He would hunt and trap animals and birds with his hunting gear. As for Yaakov, he was the simple/pure one, who dwelled in the tents of Torah, in the tents of Shem and Ever.

And yet, the very next verse teaches us that: וַיֶּאֱהַ֥ב יִצְחָ֛ק אֶת־עֵשָׂ֖ו כִּי־צַ֣יִד בְּפִ֑יו וְרִבְקָ֖ה אֹהֶ֥בֶת אֶֽת־יַעֲקֹֽב, and Yitzchak loved Yaakov for trapping was in his mouth, and Rivka loved Yaakov (25:28). We may wonder, how could it be that Yitzchak Avinu loved Eisav? Did he not recognize the personality of his firstborn son? As the second Av b’Yisrael, surely Yitzchak was not mistaken in his love for Eisav. In fact, towards the end of his life, Yitzchak summons Eisav to him, and expresses his desire to bless him before he died (Bereishis 27). 

The pshat of the pasuk cannot be ignored: Yitzchak loved Eisav.

While there are always so many approaches, understandings, and interpretations of every word and idea in Torah - and this love of Yitzchak for Eisav is no exception - Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks z’l suggests a profound and powerful answer. His answer sheds light, not only into the relationship of Yitzchak and Eisav, but to every parent-child relationship. And the ultimate Parent-child relationship as well - that of us, mortal man, vis-a-vis our Father in heaven, HKB”H.

Rabbi Sacks teaches, “Yitzhak loved Esav - Is it conceivable that Yitzhak loves Esav merely because he has a taste for wild game? He surely knows that his elder son is a man of mercurial [unpredictable, volatile] temperament who lives in the emotions of the moment. Even if this does not trouble him, the next episode involving Esav clearly will: ‘When Esav was forty years old, he married Yehudit daughter of Be’eri the Hittite, and Basmat daughter of Eilon the Hittite. These were a source of bitter sorrow to Yitzhak and Rivka’ (Gen.26:34-35). Esav has made himself at home among the Hittites and all they represented in terms of religion, culture and morality.

“Yet Yitzhak clearly does love Esav. The Sages gave an explanation. They interpreted the phrase ‘skilled hunter’ as meaning that Esav trapped and deceived Yitzhak. He pretended to be more religious than he was (Tanhuma, Toledot 8, quoted by Rashi on Gen.25:27). 

“There is, though, a quite different explanation, closer to the plain sense of the text: Yitzhak loves Esav because Esav is his son, and that is what fathers do. They love their children unconditionally. That does not mean that Yitzhak cannot see the faults in Esav’s character. But it does mean that Yitzhak knows that a father must love his son because he is his son. 

“To take seriously the idea, central to Judaism, of Avinu Malkeinu, that our King is first and foremost our parent, is to invest our relationship with G-d with the most profound emotions. G-d wrestles with us, as does a parent with a child. We wrestle with Him as a child does with his or her parents. The relationship is sometimes tense, conflictual, even painful, yet what gives it its depth is the knowledge that it is unbreakable. 

“Whatever happens, a parent is still a parent, and a child is still a child. The bond may be deeply damaged, but it is never broken beyond repair. Unconditional love is not uncritical, but it is unbreakable. That is how we should love our children - for it is how G-d loves us” (Sacks, Rabbi Lord Jonathan, The Koren Shalem Humash, p.175-174).

Here we have a most powerful explanation of the simple reading - the pshat - of the text. Yes, Eisav had chosen a path quite different than that of Avraham, his grandfather, and Yitzchak, his father. Yes, he did not make the best choices when it came to his pastimes, occupation, religion, and behaviors. Yes, he did not serve as a source of great nachas to his parents (it is Biblically ironic that Eisav had a grandson named Nachas! One of Eisav’s wives was Basmas. She bore him a son named Re’ul, and Re’ul had a son named Nachas - Bereishis 36:10-13. Hence, the custom is to bless parents that they should merit Yiddishe nachas from their children, not just any Nachas!).

However, Eisav was Yitzchak’s son, and so, he loved him.

Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman zt’l (whose yarzheit is upcoming on 24 Kislev) “was greatly concerned over severed relationships between frum parents and their children who had veered off the path of Torah, particularly when it was the parents who took the initiative to cut the connection with their offspring.”

Rav Shteinman related that, “These parents sincerely believe they are sacrificing for Hashem, on no less a level than Avraham, who was prepared to sacrifice his son at the Akeidah. But, unfortunately, in most cases, the parents’ actions are rooted in simple gaavah. Parents are embarrassed by their child’s actions, and fear their standing in the community will be harmed by the rebelliousness of their son or daughter. They find it more convenient to do the incorrect thing by severing their relationship with their wayward child. There parents are undergoing a truly difficult nisayon, but giving up on their child is not a sacrifice for Hashem! It is wrong for parents to cut the connection due to their own gaavah and inability to deal with the situation” (Reb Aharon Leib, Artscroll Mesorah 2018, p.168-169).

Perhaps, then, Yitzchak specifically remained committed to - and loving towards - Eisav, to blaze the path for parents throughout the doros of Am Yisrael. He loved Eisav because Eisav was his son, and he was the father. And through Yitzchak’s actions and choices, specifically towards Eisav, he teaches us a most vital foundation of parenting and of Am Yisrael: A parent’s love remains constant for the child, just as Hashem’s love remains constant for us.

May we be so wise, humble, courageous and inspired to learn this lesson, as it may be relevant for us, in our own lives.

בברכת חודש טוב ושבת שלום