Parshas Chayei Sarah begins with the death of Sarah at one hundred and twenty-seven years old, and ends with the death of Avraham, at the age of one hundred and seventy-five years old. Both are buried in the Me’aras Ha’Machpela, which Avraham purchased from Efron - after Sarah’s death - for four hundred silver shekels. 

In the middle of these end-of-life events, we learn that the cycle of life continues - with the marriage of Yitzchak and Rivka. 

Upon Sarah’s death, Avraham realized that the time had come to find the second eim b’Yisrael - matriarch - who would wed Yitzchak and take up the role of Sarah. Through this union, Avraham knew that the seeds of Am Yisrael, which he planted, would sprout and grow.

Given that Avraham was “old and advanced in days” (Bereishis 24:1), he ordered his servant - who remains unnamed throughout the shidduch narrative - to search for a wife for Yitzchak. Avraham commanded his servant, זְקַ֣ן בֵּית֔וֹ הַמּשֵׁ֖ל בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר־ל֑וֹ, “the elder of his house, who ruled over all that was his” (24:2), to put his hand on Avraham’s thigh and take an oath that he would travel back to Avraham’s land and birthplace, and from there he would find a wife for Yitzchak. Under no circumstances - Avraham ordered his servant - should a woman from the daughters of Canaan be taken as a wife for YItzchak (v.3), and under no circumstances should Yitzchak be taken back to Avraham’s ancestral homelands (v.5-6). Avraham is certain that Hashem will guide his servant’s path and the match-made-in-Heaven will be quickly found (v.7).

While the Torah text does not name the servant, Chazal identify him as Eliezer (see, for example, Rashi to 24:39). In this role as the shaliach (messenger) of Avraham, Eliezer is focused on carrying out his master’s wishes, as his own desires are suppressed. 

It is interesting to note that throughout the long and detailed shidduch narrative, the servant is first referred to as an ‘eved’ (servant), and then he is called an ‘ish’ (man).

In the last pasuk before he interacts with, and speaks to, Rikva, he is called an eved: וַיָּ֥רׇץ הָעֶ֖בֶד לִקְרָאתָ֑הּ וַיֹּ֕אמֶר הַגְמִיאִ֥ינִי נָ֛א מְעַט־מַ֖יִם מִכַּדֵּֽךְ - and the servant ran to greet her, and he said, please let me sip a little water from your pitcher (v.17).

And in the first pasuk after he speaks with her: וְהָאִ֥ישׁ מִשְׁתָּאֵ֖ה לָ֑הּ מַחֲרִ֕ישׁ לָדַ֗עַת הַֽהִצְלִ֧יחַ ה’ דַּרְכּ֖וֹ אִם־לֹֽא, And the man was astonished at her, standing silent, to know whether Hashem had made his way successful or not (v.21). 

When he realizes she is the one, וַיִּקֹּ֣ד הָאִ֔ישׁ וַיִּשְׁתַּ֖חוּ לַֽה - And the man bowed his head, and prostrated himself before Hashem (v.26).

And a few pasukim later, when he goes back to her home to meet her family, the pasuk tells us: וּלְרִבְקָ֥ה אָ֖ח וּשְׁמ֣וֹ לָבָ֑ן וַיָּ֨רׇץ לָבָ֧ן אֶל־הָאִ֛ישׁ הַח֖וּצָה אֶל־הָעָֽיִן - and Rivka had a brother, and his name was Lavan, and Lavan ran outside to the man at the spring (v.29) (as well as v.30, 32).

Before he meets Rivka he is the eved, after he meets her, he is an ish. Why the sudden change in the title? 

Let us note that when Rivka meets the servant at the well, and he is waiting to determine if she is the ba’alas chessed who will marry Yitzchak, the pasuk says: וַתֹּ֖אמֶר שְׁתֵ֣ה אֲדֹנִ֑י וַתְּמַהֵ֗ר וַתֹּ֧רֶד כַּדָּ֛הּ עַל־יָדָ֖הּ וַתַּשְׁקֵֽהוּ, And she said: Drink my master, and she hurried and she lowered her pitcher upon her hand and she gave him to drink (v.18).

Rav Yaakov Bender, shlita, Rosh HaYeshiva Yeshiva Darchei Torah, offers an exceptionally beautiful and powerful answer to explain the switch from eved to ish, in the name of Rabbi Shimon Dachs, one of the Darchei principals.

“In the middle of traveling, the servant encountered Rivkah, paragon of chessed. She spoke to him using a new term: adoni. And she said, ‘Drink, my master.’ She referred to him as a master, and at that moment, something shifted. He saw himself as such, and the difference is noted in the next pesukim, the eved having become an ish. Because of one word from Rivkah. Along with the chessed and generosity she showed, we also see the… power of a mother. [It] is not just to to able to see good when others can’t, but to find the way to articulate and express it… One word, one phrase, can make all the difference” (Rav Bender on Chumash 2, p.51-53). 

Rav Bender tells over the following illustrative story: Rav Moshe Shapira zt’l, along with a talmid, was once seated in the back of a taxi. The talmid was arguing with Rav Moshe in Yiddish about a certain topic in Gemara. Suddenly, Rav Moshe Shapira stopped the conversation. He leaned forward and scanned the name of the driver, which appeared on the ID tag. 

“Shalom, Arik,” he said. He explained to the driver that they were having a conversation about the mitzvah of building a succah and that in deference to Arik, they would now continue speaking in Hebrew. “Our friend Arik will listen and partake,” Rav Moshe Shapira then declared, and he and his talmid continued their conversation. 

Notes Rav Bender: Did the driver appreciate the fine points of the Gemara? Perhaps not. But he undoubtedly did appreciate being shown respect, and being part of the conversation (ibid.).

Each and every word we utter to others is so powerful, even one word can change the reality for another - and for our own selves.

The Chafetz Chaim writes, in the introduction to Kuntres Chovas Ha’shemira: “klal ha’devarim, b’diburav shel adam, yachol li’vr’oah olamos, u’le’hachrivan - the summation of the matter is: with words one can create worlds, and with words, one can destroy worlds.”

Let us strive to be cognizant, b’ezras Hashem, of all that we say, so with our words, we can truly build people, and build worlds.

ברכת בשורות טובות ושבת שלום