Parenting from the Parsha- Parshat Bechukotai- Working Hard or Hardly Working?

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May 25 2022
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As our parsha opens, Rashi quotes a Midrash noting a seeming redundancy in the text: “If you will walk in My statutes and observe My commandments and perform them”. “Observe my commandments” seems to include the performance of all mitzvot, notes the Midrash- what, then, is added with the request to “walk in My statutes”? The Midrash answers in famous fashion- that with this second phrase, G-d is commanding us “to be ameilim, to toil, in Torah”.


The importance of this command to “toil in Torah” is further highlighted a few pesukim later. The Torah transitions from brachot to klalot, from the blessings to the curses, and introduces the curses with the phrase, “But if you do not listen to me”. The Midrash again explains that “not listening to Hashem” refers to our refusal to toil and labor in Torah. It is this refusal that begins the nation’s downward spiral towards destruction and punishment.


The implication of this Midrash is that a necessary component of our Torah learning is the experience of “toiling,” of hard work. Such laboring is not simply an added dimension to our Talmud Torah, but a fundamental and crucial ingredient in the experience itself.


At first glance, this seems difficult to understand. If the primary purpose of study is to become knowledgeable in Torah, then the key should be results, not the process. It shouldn’t matter how much I toil in learning, if I put in a reasonable effort, enabling me to be knowledgeable in Torah.  Why is there an insistence upon being ameilim in Torah, such that a lack of ameilus would lead to such horrific results?


Upon second thought, the answer appears to be both obvious and profound. There is a marked difference between a goal that is achieved through hard work, and one reached without much effort. The experience of working hard and putting effort into something creates a deep bond with that goal, and also greatly enhances the satisfaction and fulfillment felt upon achieving the goal.


The Mishna in Pirkei Avot famously declares “according to the pain is the reward”. The simple understanding of this Mishna is that if a person experiences much pain in service Hashem, Hashem will repay him with extra reward commensurate to the level of his pain. However, a deeper understanding of this Mishna can be suggested. When a person dedicates himself deeply and intensely towards a particular goal, the sense of accomplishment that he feels will be commensurate to the work that he puts in. The “reward” referred to here is not the prize that one will receive from Hashem for his actions, but the sense of achievement that he feels from the success of their hard work. The more a person invests himself in the process and gives it his “all”, the greater sense of meaning and fulfillment he receives from the experience.


To bring an analogy: In all major sports, the ultimate goal is to win the championship and be declared champions. Yet if before the season began, one team were to be declared champions by default, it would not elicit much excitement. Why not? Because the real goal is not simply to be declared the champions, but to earn that title through hard work. Only through competition, dedication, and real toiling is such success meaningful.


The nature of man is such that the more he works for something, the more meaningful the experience, and the deeper the connection with that goal. Hashem therefore demands that our experience in Torah be one of hard work- to ensure that our connection to Torah and Mitzvot be full of depth and commitment.


The value and importance of hard work- of creating goals and working to achieve those goals- is an incredibly important value that we must instill within our children- especially in this generation. We live in a society that seeks instant gratification- and where the goal is to amass as much wealth and fame with as little effort as possible. Developments in technology have made our lives infinitely easier in so many ways- but they have also cultivated an atmosphere of comfort, a striving to make things as easy and effortless as possible.  Our children are therefore growing up in a world where hard work and effort is eschewed for convenience and ease. While in some areas, this convenience is great and extremely helpful- it could develop a problematic mentality within ourselves and our children.


Additionally, due to our deep love and concern for our children, there are times where we want to protect them. We try to make things as easy for them as possible, so that they can be happy. While this desire is innately positive, when taken to the extreme it can be detrimental to our children’s maturation and growth. If we do our child’s assignment for them because we don’t like to see them stressed or upset, then our child won’t learn how to do his homework himself. If each time our child struggles socially or academically we step in to help him- again solely out of love- not only are we preventing our child from learning the necessarily life skills that he will need later in life, we are holding him back from realizing the deep sense of accomplishment and pride felt from putting in hard work and succeeding.


In this week’s parsha, the Torah demands that we toil in Torah- not simply that we study and know Torah, but that we work hard and are ameilim. Far from wanting to hassle or inconvenience, this demand is based upon a fundamental truth- the harder that we work for something, the greater the connection, and the greater the sense of accomplishment we feel. This sense of connection and accomplishment is meant to be part and parcel of our Talmud Torah experience. It is also a value that we must work hard to instill within our children, as we strive to counterbalance a world that is conveying the opposite message.


Wishing everyone a Shabbat Shalom!


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We all know the famous Midrash on the opening Passuk in our Parsha about the need to be "ameilim in Torah". The implication of this Midrash is that a necessary component of our Torah learning is the experience of “toiling,” of hard work. Such laboring is not simply an added dimension to our Talmud Torah, but a fundamental and crucial ingredient in the experience itself. At first glance, this seems difficult to understand. If the primary purpose of study is to become knowledgeable in Torah, then the key should be results, not the process. It shouldn’t matter how much I toil in learning, if I put in a reasonable effort, enabling me to be knowledgeable in Torah. Why is there an insistence upon being ameilim in Torah, such that a lack of ameilus would lead to such horrific results? And what can we learn from this regarding Parenting?

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    Learning on the Marcos and Adina Katz YUTorah site is sponsored today by the Goldberg and Mernick Families in loving memory of the yahrzeit of Illean K. Goldberg, Chaya Miriam bas Chanoch and for a refuah shleimah for יעקב דוב בן פלה ציפורה